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 by Dr. Rita Louise
What is love between two people? There are countless books, songs and movies dedicated to the concept of love, what is it really? How do you know that you’re in love or that you are falling in love? How can you tell if what is going on with that special man or woman in your life is the real deal?
Being in love and falling in love are two different things. Love is something that develops over time. When we first meet someone we are usually attracted by how they look, what they say or the way in which they act.
When we “fall in love” it can seem as your life itself turned upside down or as if you are going crazy. You may cycle from flying high, with feelings of being filled with boundless energy, your thoughts filled with positive hopes and dreams of the future, to feelings of despair, depression or nervousness, when the possibility of losing your love crosses your mind.
When you fall in love your knees get weak. Your heart races when you are around them, your temperature rises and you experience a sense of euphoria that even the best drugs can’t replicate. In these moments, the concept of time takes on a whole new meaning. When you are away from your heart’s desire, the minutes since you said goodbye can seem like hours and when you are together, time can fly by so fast it makes your head spin.
There will be many moments when you think you are losing you’re your touch with reality because all you can do is think about that special someone... while you’re working, socializing with friends or trying to relax in the evening. Then, when you say enough is enough and try to put that special someone out of your mind, you find that this may work for a few minutes and boom, he or she is back again.
The increased emotions and excitement falling in love has on us can also cause our friends and family wonder what is going on especially as they see you walking around, eyes bright, with a huge smile on your face. They will have no choice but to notice how happy and invigorated you are. After a while, they may begin to get tired of your countless stories of your new found romance, where you share stories of all of the cute little things he or she may have said or done.
Falling in love is easy. It just happens. If you have to ask yourself “am I in love”, then you probably aren’t. Sometimes we enter into a relationship and what we think is love really isn’t. Sometimes the feelings we experience are purely hormonal, where all we actually want is sex. At other times, people enter into what they think is a love relationship because they are afraid of being alone and would rather compromise their love as opposed to waiting for the real deal to appear. Some people mistake love for financial security or because they have children and are afraid of raising them alone. This is not love.
Falling in love without love being returned is an awful place to be emotionally, but it happens every day. It is wonderful to know what you are feeling and what you are experiencing is mutual. When it’s not, it is like falling down a steep hill with nothing to stop you at the bottom except the cold hard earth. On the other hand, when both parties are in love with each other, it is as if your partner is down at the bottom of the hill waiting to catch you with open arms as you tumble head over heals in love.
Sometimes it may feel like you are both rolling down the hill hand in hand or side by side. Instead of being afraid and experiencing fear, you feel secure in the knowledge that when you reach the bottom you will be able to buffer each others fall. When love is not reciprocated, you can end up crashing and burning at the bottom of the hill all alone with your emotions badly bruised.
According to Nicholas Sparks, "Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day”
True love is selfless. When you love someone you want what is best for them. There is a deep sense of trust, satisfaction and completion in the relationship. You appreciate them for who they are, not who you want them to be. When you are in love with someone, you are willing to give up a part of yourself, some of your freedom so to speak, in order to have a healthy balanced relationship, where both parties win.
When you are in love, there are feelings of intimacy, where each person is willing to open themselves up to doing things they may have never done before for the benefit of the relationship. In this state, you are willing to be vulnerable. You feel safe enough to share your wildest dreams, your deepest fears and your most intimate secrets because you know they will be heard with respect and understanding.
You can tell you are in love when you can effortlessly talk until the wee hours of the night or sit silently, yet never feel alone. To many, love is expressed through the giving of your time, attention or your focus to the other. This may be through touch, holding hands, looking deeply into each others eyes or even sex.
Real love doesn’t look for power, but instead seeks a continual balanced exchange of energy, where both partners feel whole and connected, regardless of what is going on around them.
As love between a couple grows, what was once yours and mine changes to ours and “we”. Instead of two lives, you create a common past, establish shared memories and work to plan and build a future together - and when you look out into that future, all you can see is your mate standing beside you. It is then that you may realize that together you are one. And regardless of who is out there, he or she will see only you.
Love is a deep commitment made between two people to honor and support each other physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Love requires that you invest your time and energy into your relationship. It is not something that you can forget about or put in a box once you say “I do”. Instead it is something that needs care and nurturing every day to keep healthy, alive and thriving.
Many wonder what happens to the magic you feel when you’re first falling in love. Oh, the rushes of adrenaline might calm down as you become more comfortable with your partner but the magic you once felt doesn’t have to go away. Like all things in life, having love and maintaining a loving relationship is a choice. Chose love.
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