by Dr. Rita Louise
Have you been searching for the man or woman of your dreams? Are you looking for the love of your life, that special person you are destined to be with, that extraordinary individual who you will spend the rest of your days with, living together in love, peace and harmony? Have you hoped, prayed, imagined, storyboarded and journaled about that unique individual who will make you and your life be whole? It sounds like you are looking, asking or even begging for a soul mate. Or should I say, a soul mate relationship.
Over the last few years the concept of meeting our soul mate has taken on mass proportion. There are hundreds if not thousands of books and articles that discuss what a soul mate is and how to attract one into your life. Before I go into my reality of what a soul mate truly is, let's take a look at some common thoughts on the subject.
It is commonly believed that you only have one soul mate, that this mate is the other half of your soul waiting for reunion and reconnection in the present. Your soul mate, or twin flame is supposed to be someone that you have spent lifetime after lifetime with in an endless exchange of love, romance and relationships. It is said, that with your soul mate you will experience deep feelings of natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, and compatibility.
There is also a widespread notion that when you meet this person, you will be able to recognize him or her as your soul mate with just one look. Many believe the sparks will fly, there will be an instantaneous and unexplainable chemistry between the two of you. Then, once together as the relationship unfolds, the love shared and experienced between the two of you will be perfect and unending.
Then there is the whole debate about how you can meet your soul mate. This is a topic that has acquired a lot of attention lately, especially with the advent of the movies like the Secret. If you are not familiar with this movie, the Secret discusses the concept of the Law of Attraction. It is alleged that there are a number of universal laws that we interact which affect us in our daily life. Like Newtonian laws of physics, that pertain to our interaction in the physical world, such as the law of gravity, these universal laws describe how we interrelate on more subtle levels, via our actions, thoughts, feelings and emotions. Of these laws, the Law of Attraction is only one.
The Law of Attraction simply stated says that you draw into your life whatever you think about. So if you are in need of a new car, perhaps an opportunity will present itself where you can get a great car at a discounted rate. Another scenario might be that you get an unexpected bonus at work, which will allow you to pay for the car you've been dreaming of. By the same token, if you hate the car you are currently driving and only send it bad energy and bad thoughts, then, according to this law, you only have yourself to blame when it breaks down and doesn't run anymore. It was your thoughts of wanting to get rid of it that created the situation in the first place. This is an over simplification of the Law of Attraction, but I think you get the idea of how it works.
OK, back to Soul Mates. Based upon this methodology, it is inferred that if you think the right things, and have the right feelings your ideal mate will magically appear in your life. And the truth is, for years in my private practice, I have often looked at what my clients are trying to create in their relationship space. And while being clear about what you want in your perfect relationship is critical to attracting the right person to you, it is not the only things to consider when trying have a soul mate relationship.
When we are with our soul mate, we should feel safe and be comfortable sharing the deepest parts of our selves with our partner. There should be a good give and take of energy and ideas within the relationship and it should be honest, passionate and healthy. Along with this, our soul mate should accept us as we are. As part of this type of a relationship, they should challenge us to learn about ourselves and grow. Through this process they can help us by bringing out the best in ourselves - that is if we give it a chance.
My point here at this juncture is the following myth about soul mates. There is so much talk about attracting this great person into your life, so then you find this extra special someone, then what? It is important to know that any relationship can be a soul mate relationship, so please don't take it for granted. However, many times, when we meet someone, we feel so close, so bonded to them that we believe they are our soul mates. Then over time, problems arise, but since we were left to believe that it would be a "perfect union", we are often puzzled and confused when conflict does rear its ugly head. If our problems are left unresolved, they will continue to grow and with each battle we end up building up resentment and deep seated hurt which drives a wedge between us. As the pain builds, many times we choose to bail out of our marriages or relationships because we are unhappy with our partner. In retrospect we look at the relationship and decide this person was definitely not our soul mate.
The truth is the people we attract into our lives are can be our soul mates. The job of our soul mate is to reflect back to us areas in our lives that are in need of healing. At times, what we end up seeing mirrored back to us is not very nice, pleasant or fun. What we don't realize is the conflicts we often experience in our relationships can be used as opportunities to learn about ourselves and grow. With our soul mate, we can work together to get to the bottom of a conflict, discover our hidden motivations or uncover deeply held fears that keep us reacting in negative patterns of behavior.
This is the beauty of a soul mate relationship..it is one in which you can learn about yourself and become the person you have always wanted to be. They can help you to become a conscious participant in your relationships and in life.
So as you see, any relationship, soul mate or otherwise still requires work. As a first step to creating this kind of relationship, it is important to put a priority on meeting your needs and making yourself happy as you honor the wants and needs of the person you are involved with. That is the trick, keeping a balance between the two of you - an equal exchange of energy that comes from a place of truth and love. In order for any of us to have or experience our soul mate in our lives, we have to do more than make lists or create a manifestation board. That is the easy part. The challenge is to have and maintain a healthy level of energy exchange within the relationship once the honeymoon is over and reality sets in.
So if you are married or in a relationship, stop and look your partner in the eyes and say hello to your soul mate. If you are single and looking for that special someone, be open to having the relationship you have always dreamed of about.